Hospitals Harbor Emotions

If you have every seen the show Grey's Anatomy you know that Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital is full of different, crazy emotions and you only get to see those emotions for forty-five minutes every Thursday night starting at 9 am. Now just imagine spending hours in a Hospital that specializes in children two days in a row. I realized just how emotionally draining it is to be at a hospital for as long as I am this past week.
 It all started on Monday night when I was standing on my front porch and suddenly there was water dribbling down my stomach and next thing we know my tube was coming out of my stomach. Which looked like this......

Now obviously that tube has some issues seeings the button part is suppose to lie a dimes width from the skin not several inches. In the end we couldn't save that tube we had to put in my emergency one. So with no J-tube running to my intestines I had to go in Tuesday and get my tube fully replaced. 

That day at the hospital started around 10 am and by the time 1:30 came around my mom and I where not too happy with the doctors for telling us to come right in when they intended to fit me after all the scheduled patients. I was a shaking, jabbering, 16-year old ball of nerves sitting in the Day Surgery hearing small children taken from their mothers and fathers screaming crying back into on of the many operating rooms, and seeing the cancer patients come in who for all that it's worth make me feel healthy. Around 1 one of my friends who was near by meet me at the hospital and kept me company while we waited. We ended up being moved down to radiology around 4 pm......six hours after we arrived and where check into the hospital. I was ten times as nervous as I had been at 1:30 and my mom wasn't too happy with whom ever told us to come right in and that we would be able to get in the morning.  At this point I was glad to see the Whitney from child life was waiting in radiology for me to come down. She came in and started doing her thing; getting the story of what happened to the tube, talking to me to defuse the nerves and helping me create a mask that would be used to put me under. Between talking to the nurses, signing consent forms and waiting on the last kid to come out of the room it was now 4:30 when Whitney came back into the room telling me that she had to go and wasn't going to be able to go back and hold my hand while I went under. At the point I lost it and ended up a crying mess, because that was my routine. Walk back with Whitney, lay down on the table, hand her my glasses, take her hand while they start the laughing gas and strap me down to the table, and squeeze her hand and talk until I go under at which point she leaves. At the point the crying made Whitney feel terrible but she had to leave so she helped me tell a nurse I knew in radiology what needed to be done in order for me to feel safe and okay about going under, and then three hugs later Whitney went to clock out and that's right about the time we where told that they where finally ready to take me back. I hugged my friend thinking she was going to be going home once I went under and walked with the nurse who was going back for support back to the room where they would be doing the procedure. Next thing I remember I was awake enough for my mom to come back and she did, followed by the friend whom I thought was leaving. Apparently she got to her car and came back to give me a bracelet she got me and a hoodie I had asked to borrow, which after all of the days stress made me smile. We left the hospital around 6 and finally made it home around 7:30, Which was barely enough time for me to start formula feeds and get in a half a can of formula before I had to stop them at midnight for a test early the next day.

On Wednesday I had to be at the hospital at 9:30 for a tilt table test at 10. All in all that test wasn't too hard they hooked me up to all these different monitors and then had me lay there while they monitored me heart rate and blood pressure. The they moved the table so that I was standing and asked me to tell them about any symptoms I felt. After about 30 minutes the test was over and the doctor came in to tell us the results; the test was negative for any sort of autonomic dysfunction but these is a chance that it was a false negative and about then she left. We got up to leave and that was when my frustration caught up to me and I started crying because I am so tired of being put through all of these medical tests to still not know what is wrong with me. The nurse that was with me felt so bad that she took me back to the room filled with prizes that they usually give younger kids and let me pick out a few things, which didn't help my frustration much but gave me time to stop crying. All in all emotions have ran high while I've been at the hospital this week, and I am frustrated with all that's going on and still not knowing what is going on inside my own body.