To My School

Dear Staff and Students at DCHS,

I wish there was a way for you to walk in my shoes and feel just an ounce of my pain, but as that is not possible let me and try and explain things to you. First off, there is something that I want to say to all of you, I did NOT choose this life, I did NOT choose to become sick, it is just what happened. I didn't ask to know the inside of hospital walls better than I know the inside of the school walls, that is just a side effect of having a chronic illness. I didn't choose to fight for my life, I just have to.

With that said I am going to speak out towards individuals or groups now starting with teachers.

To All of my Teachers, please understand something, and that's you only see me on my "good days," the days when I can push the pain and the nausea down far enough to function, so when you say I look like I'm feeling good or don't look sick, you are only seeing one side of this monster of a disease; the mask I allow you to see, because the real truth about this monster is ugly, it's laying on an operating table not knowing if you will wake up, its screaming from the pain that cannot be treated, it's being so weak just getting out of bed is impossible. Also know that I don't take staying home lightly, it is a hard decision for me, one that often feels like it is going to tear me apart some days. I want to come to school, I go back and forth between staying home and going to school, before I make my decision, which is sometimes tearful, I fear not coming to class and the outcome it has.

To The Teacher Who Compared Me to Another Student Who Had Been in the Hospital, me and that student are not in the same situation. In fact we could not be more different, there was and is a treatment for that kid but there is NOTHING that treats what I have, so comparing us is like comparing apples and oranges, for lack of a better analogy.

To The Teacher Who Yelled at Me for Not Meeting Your Expectations, you made it sound like I am not putting forth the effort needed. Let me assure you that I am, there are many nights I am up into the wee hours of the morning doing homework to get caught up. I'm sorry that I am not caught up the day I return, but that shouldn't be expected of any student who has been out sick, let alone one with a 504 stating I get extra time to make things up.

To The Teachers Who Don't Answer My Emails, I don't send them just to send them. When I send an email I am trying to keep you updated on things, including when I will be back at school, as well keep me up to date on what is being done in class. This does NOT mean I will be fully caught up with the class, it means that I want to know what is missing so I can, in the moments I feel a bit of relief from my symptoms, work on closing the gap between what you are doing and where I am in work.

To The Teacher Who Made a Rude Comment about Me Wearing a Mask To School, it's bad enough that I have to deal with other students being rude about it, why do you have to add to that? Your an adult and a teacher, someone who is suppose to stop the bullying not add to it.

To The Teachers That didn't Give Me Work Before I Left for Mayo Even Though I asked, I've seen several of you give work to other students before they left for a few days, so why did you tell me you don't plan ahead so couldn't give me anything even though I had been warning you of my absence for weeks? I didn't need all of the work I was going to miss but a little of it would have been nice and would have helped me avoid my current situation.

To The Teacher Who Has Gone Out of Her Way, thank you. There is no way that I can convey what, what you have done for me means. I can't tell you how nice it is to see one friendly face among the crowd. To have one safe room in the entire school. To know one person in the building supports me. It means the world to me.

Now I am going to address something things to school administrators and others who don't directly teach classes but are involved in the "politics" that go on in a school.

To Those Who Have Told Me I Won't Graduate or Be Successful in College, aren't you the ones who are suppose to me encouraging me, not breaking me down? That is at least what I thought you where suppose to do, but maybe I am wrong. Either way I'm not listening and can't wait until I prove you wrong.

To Those Who Set Up Countless Things to Support Other Sick Kids but Won't Even Let Me Show an Awareness Video, why do you favor those kids? What did they do that I haven't? Now let me say this, I am glad they where shown support so don't think otherwise. I just believe you should treat all students equally, if you send cards to one sick student one should be sent to all sick students. If you help raise money for one sick student, the opportunity should be there for all sick students. I don't want special treatment I want you to treat me like you have the other sick students.

To The Person Who Denied My Acceptance Sophomore Year, I don't think you understand the effect that action had on me. It took me away from a school, that the year before, I had called my home. It put me into a school with someone whom I had a restraining order against, and allowed him to harass me more. I cost me friends, who upon my absence moved on when I was at a time when I needed them most. And all of this because I spend 52 days in the hospital, that wasn't my fault, I begged to be released daily, that shouldn't have been held against me.

To Those Present at My IEP Meeting, I don't know what all was said as I was forced to sit out of most of the meeting, but you did me no favors. You guys acted like you didn't want to deal with me, and still do. You caused me to loose over half a semester of work, to start all my classes over online because it was the only option YOU thought would work no matter what me and my mom said you always came back to that. Not only did I loose the work I had fought to get done, I also loose my academic honor diploma. That meeting was suppose to be about what would be best for ME but really it was about what was easiest for YOU.

To Those Who Continue to Ignore My Family's Emails About Things Needing to Change, why is it that you don't answer any of the emails expressing us not being happy and that say something needs to change? You guys are the ones who set up the current situation so now you need to help us get through it, because it has several problems, and set up something so we can change it come the start of the  year.

To The Nurse Who Was Always There, thank you for listening to me. For taking the time to get to know what was going on and to genuinely care about it. For not doubting me when I told you I wasn't feeling well like most people do. For comforting me when things became to much, or I had just been yelled at by a teacher and was in tears, because sometimes that is all that was needed. Thank you for what you do.

The last part of this letter is addressed to things students at my school have said or done.

To The Boy Who Pulled Out My Feeding Tube, I don't know who you are as the school claims they can't see either one of us on the video feed from that day, but you should know the amount of pain you caused me. That tube is what sustains my life, it's not there just because, so you pulling it out forced my family to make an emergency trip to the hospital for me to have the two foot tube threaded back into my body. You shouldn't have walked away from that indecent without being consequences. I don't know if what you did was a dare or something but it was NOT in anyway funny or just a prank, it was a form of bullying or even assault.  

To The Kids Who Make Fun of Me, I've never done anything to you so why do you think it is okay to bully me? Your words hurt, but the only thing I have to say to you is be glad it's not you. Be glad it's not you who needs to wear a mask to keep illnesses at bay, be glad it's not you who is sick because if you where I don't know if you could handle what you do to me, as bullying is really just a reflection of how you feel about yourself.

To Those Who Stand Up For Me, Thank you. You guys are wonderful friends, and I don't know what I would do without you guys.

Sincerely,
The "Sick Girl"
The "Problem Student"
The "One Who Won't Make it"
Bri H.