Dear Doctor Poem

So I am not usually a person who shares my poetry with people, but I think because this blog is to give you a glimpse inside my world and a place where I can vent. that sharing this poem would be a way to show you what goes on in my head with having to deal with all these doctors, and treatments........

Dear Doctor,

I'm sorry I don't go by the textbook, 

I'm sorry you don't know the answer,

I'm sorry the pills didn't help,

I'm sorry my work hasn't cured me.

Dear Doctor,

I remember you yelling at me,

Calling me a baby,

When I was afraid to do the procedure awake,

And you compared me to other kids,

When I'm obviously not them.

Dear Doctor,

I Remember you telling me this is in mt head,

Because you couldn't figure it out,

So it must not exist,

I must be causing this myself,

When I'd give anything to make it go away.

Dear Doctor,

I remember you taking away my mom,

You said she was neglecting me,

She couldn't even ride in the ambulance,

You made her go to court,

When she hadn't done a thing wrong, but bring me to you.

Dear Doctor,

I remember when you said it wouldn't hurt,

But the pain was excruciating,

And you wouldn't do anything,

Because you think I just want the drugs,

When in reality I can't stand they way they make me feel.

Dear Doctor,

I remember you giving up,

Saying there's nothing you can do,

That I need to wait to get into new doctors,

Because they are better,

When I thought you were suppose to be the best.

Dear Doctor,

I didn't ask for this, 

The never ending pain,

The dizzying nausea,

The debilitating fatigue,

The plethora of medications,

The numerous surgeries,

The piercing stares,

Or the loss of everything I knew.

Dear Doctor,

I didn't need your threats,

I didn't' need your cruelty,

I didn't need your judgement, 

I didn't need you impatiences,

I need you to honor your oath,

To do no harm,

And add to the strength I have,

The strength you will never understand.